Girlfags Again: Reflection and Response

Having given more thought to the issue, a somewhat concerning aspect of my work has occurred to me. I don’t know if I’ve been properly inclusive of detransitioners, and I hope that I have not urged transition too strongly. Every individual should take things gradually, evaluating based on empirical evidence and their personal reactions whether or not to continue transitioning. Transitioning is not the right choice for everyone, and I hope that that was clear.

Detransitioners are welcome in any trans community I want to be part of, as are chasers and admirers, but I am not sure how to effect this.

If anyone wants to contact me regarding how I can represent and perhaps provide resources for detransitioners more effectively, I encourage them to contact me at silver.ivory.and.bone@gmail.com. I am also willing to try to give advice concerning people’s gender trouble.


So it seems that Jack Molay of Crossdreamers has responded to my girlfags post with some interesting constructive criticism here:


Silver and Ivory argues that we have to get rid of the girlfag term and replace it with something else. I am not sure the alternative, “gaymale woman” is much better (as it excludes male-identifying MTF people and contradicts their argument that girlfags are not always attracted to gay men), but I agree with the overall message.


This is an excellent point; I don’t think my post included male-identifying MtF girlfags at all, and I apologize for that omission. I don’t know much about male-identifying MtF girlfags, but I hope I didn’t make any of them feel illegitimate or so on. I am not sure what Molay is referring to here, but I think that he means that I don’t include transfeminine girlfags.

However, Molay’s argument that it doesn’t include these two groups doesn’t hold up. “Fag” means “gay man” and connotes effeminacy; “girlfag” combines “girl” (female-identifying person) with “fag” to get “girl who is also like an effeminate gay man”.

By changing “girlfag” to “gaymale girl” or “gaymale woman”, we do a number of things. First, we lose the connotation of effeminacy, which makes the word more inclusive, not less- after all, we also have the butch and unaligned gaymale girls to think about as well! Secondly, we lose the homophobic/transmisogynistic/misandristic slur. This is aesthetically and politically preferable to me.

Otherwise, we have exactly the same result: “girl who is also like a gay man”.

Addressing Molay’s issues with my post: with this usage we still include male-identifying MtF girlfags. These people already identified with a word including “girl” and “[slur for effeminate gay man]”; I doubt that eliminating the “effeminate” connotation and the slur aspect does not include them.

Some MtF people might end up using “fag” in a reclamatory fashion. I of course support this, but it’s a somewhat separate usage than the issue at hand, which is the issue of girlfags as Molay and I both define it. The girlfags that we’re talking about aren’t girls who have been called fags; they’re girls who crossdream and identify partially with gay men.

If MtF spectrum people want to use “girlfag” in a reclamatory fashion for “girl who has been misgendered and attacked as fags”, then I welcome them and encourage this usage.

If Molay wishes to clarify his meaning here, I would be happy to respond.

Also, Molay states that my term contradicts my statement about gaymale girls’ attraction to gay men or lack thereof. I don’t think it does so more than the word “girlfag”, which includes a word that literally means “effeminate gay man”! The “gay” part leaves it extremely ambiguous as to whether the person concerned is attracted to men, women, or somewhere in between.

As I am not a girlfag anymore, I encourage girlfags to choose their own method identification.

Finally, I am pleased with the audience the post has reached and wish well to all of you.

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